- Plan essay
hooverdeep clean kitchen including- clean larder
- clean fridge
- defrost freezer
ironingEYFS homework- making writing belts for school
- thank you notes
- knit final
2christmas presents (gah!) - one done, one to go sort pile of books in the hall- change fuse on hall radiator plug (buy fuse??)
- washing
mend cardigan- make sure to get lots of cuddles and snuggles from Moblie
Yes, it's not even christmas break and i'm ticking off my to do list! It's a good job to as I've been asked to help with my old extra job and do some shifts over christmas break. This is a good thing as my car started making odd clunky noises and juddering and flashing a catalytic converter warning light at me (GAH!) but a bad thing as my brother has booked tickets for the show so i need to make a point of not seeing it until we go officially, and i will need to be seeing lots of Moblie before he goes away for work, and i need to sleep and knit and i need to prepare for next term...
- Plan essay
hooverdeep clean kitchen including- clean larder
- clean fridge
- defrost freezer
- ironing
- EYFS homework
- making writing belts for school
- thank you notes
- knit final 2 christmas presents (gah!)
sort pile of books in the hall- change fuse on hall radiator plug (buy fuse??)
- washing
- mend cardigan
- make sure to get lots of cuddles and snuggles from Moblie
So here are my to dos, as ever, for my christmas break:
- Plan essay
- hoover
- deep clean kitchen including
- clean larder
- clean fridge
- defrost freeze
- ironing
- EYFS homework
- making writing belts for school
- thank you notes
- knit final 2 christmas presents (gah!)
- sort pile of books in the hall
- change fuse on hall radiator plug (buy fuse??)
- washing
- mend cardigan
- make sure to get lots of cuddles and snuggles from Moblie
I'm reasonably relaxed at the moment, which you can tell because I'm blogging more frequently. I'm making the most of it because I just know come January I'll be super busy again as i'll be up to 65% teaching (15% more than now). Everyone at school keeps moaning and groaning that this is coming up and that, and that will be awful and that will be hard - but as a novice I'm loving the glitter, excitement and anticipation of christmas and all the other events that lead up to it. Tonight is my knitting christmas dinner - who can fail to be excited by that!
Here are some things that make me heart-skippy-smiley
Here are some things that make me heart-skippy-smiley
- the advent candle that moblie bought me instead of a choclate calendar to prevent my migraines
- seeing all the presents i've wrapped just waiting to be opened and (hopefully) loved
- the children telling me they want to be my friend and sit by me (although the scramble to sit by me on the carpet is getting to be more of a brawl now)
- wen the children bring in pictures they've drawn for me
- finding a child's slipped their hand into mine and then looks up at you for comfort and reassurance - i must be doing something right.
- Moblie leaving me little post it notes around the flat to remind me he loves me
- mince pies
- cups of tea to rest from shopping and card writing
- finishing writing my christmas cards!
- nearly completing a whole term (9 days to go) of my training
- fresh baked cakes
- roast dinner
- making plans
visited 11 states (4.88%)
Create your own visited map of The World
11 countries visited, which is apparently means 4.88% of the world... even though it's only 2 cities in america which seems to count for a whole country and i went to bruges for the day which counts for belgium!
a new blog I have discovered that i love love love love! Her style is the style I want!
I've probably done this one before, but I want to try and feel christmassy....
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? real, but not in my flat as i have NO space!
3. When do you put up the tree? I would put it up 1 December or 24 to make it magival
4. When do you take the tree down? Before January 5th
5. Do you like eggnog? never had it, but it doesn't sound promising...
6. Favorite gift received as a child? i've always liked crafty bits and bobs, but i loved my books too.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My mum and brother
8. Easiest person to buy for? My Moblie, who is always grateful. Unfortunately he is used to getting homemade gifts and he just may not get one this year...
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yup, despite not being religious we have a dear wooden nativity and it has a beautiful smell that makes me feel christmassy.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, although i've realised i've got an extra 50 to write for school now...
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don’t remember receiving anything truly hideous. I've obviously been very fortunate. I hate it when a present doesn't quite fit me (physically or emotionally) as i feel so guilty so the fact that none stick out is a good sign! My poor brother got 7 scarfs in 2007, bless him...
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas Dinner! and mince pies...
16. lights on tree? Yes no psychadelic flashing ones though
17. Favorite Christmas song? Rockin around the christmas tree by mel and kim
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home with my family and this year with my Moblie! Yay!!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star as angels can look almost demonic in the half light
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Day? Christmas Day in the evening
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Drunk people, people bah-humbugging all over the place and forced frivolity with people you wouldn't bother with the rest of the year.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Last year I was all about the blue and silver. this year it's blue and brown.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Roast Turkey with all the trimmings
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? The damp in my flat gone, my debts cleared, my Moblie's back mended, my next two assignments completed and a massive basket of scrummy yarn to squish.... But a lovely dinner with my family and moblie and a chance to relax, eat cake and knit with them around me will be a christmas present enough.
26. Wish list for 2010: Pass my course to gain QTS, get a job, move in with Moblie, start saving, buy vinyl, knit more!
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? real, but not in my flat as i have NO space!
3. When do you put up the tree? I would put it up 1 December or 24 to make it magival
4. When do you take the tree down? Before January 5th
5. Do you like eggnog? never had it, but it doesn't sound promising...
6. Favorite gift received as a child? i've always liked crafty bits and bobs, but i loved my books too.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My mum and brother
8. Easiest person to buy for? My Moblie, who is always grateful. Unfortunately he is used to getting homemade gifts and he just may not get one this year...
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yup, despite not being religious we have a dear wooden nativity and it has a beautiful smell that makes me feel christmassy.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, although i've realised i've got an extra 50 to write for school now...
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don’t remember receiving anything truly hideous. I've obviously been very fortunate. I hate it when a present doesn't quite fit me (physically or emotionally) as i feel so guilty so the fact that none stick out is a good sign! My poor brother got 7 scarfs in 2007, bless him...
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas Dinner! and mince pies...
16. lights on tree? Yes no psychadelic flashing ones though
17. Favorite Christmas song? Rockin around the christmas tree by mel and kim
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home with my family and this year with my Moblie! Yay!!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star as angels can look almost demonic in the half light
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Day? Christmas Day in the evening
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Drunk people, people bah-humbugging all over the place and forced frivolity with people you wouldn't bother with the rest of the year.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Last year I was all about the blue and silver. this year it's blue and brown.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Roast Turkey with all the trimmings
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? The damp in my flat gone, my debts cleared, my Moblie's back mended, my next two assignments completed and a massive basket of scrummy yarn to squish.... But a lovely dinner with my family and moblie and a chance to relax, eat cake and knit with them around me will be a christmas present enough.
26. Wish list for 2010: Pass my course to gain QTS, get a job, move in with Moblie, start saving, buy vinyl, knit more!
I can currently, conclusively say - I'm GOOD!!
:-D
:-D
I just text my brother and used the phrase "I'm exhausted just existing at the moment!" and to be honest I think my subconcious just bubbled ot the surface to be heard for a second.
I love my life - honestly I do. I have the best boyfriend i could ever ask for who I truly believe loves me, as I love him and is the one. He doesn't flinch from words such as "moving in" "mortgage" "joint account, engagement, wedding, love" or "forever" He says he loves to look after me, and he seems to be understanding my lack of freetime during my training. He's given me the confidence to become comfortable with me. Quite simply - my beloved. Enough guff let's get back to it.
I am incredibly lucky to own my own car that I bought from new and have paid off (yes me, paid off resolutely on my own!).
I am retraining to do a job I think I love (stress about upcoming assessment in 2 days makes me worry but I think i will love it again on wed!).
I have lots of yarn, and a hobby I love and I own my own flat (well the bank do but you know what I mean).
Here in lies the rub:
My flat has had water running down the walls since i moved in 2 years ago. The council are my maintenance company and they are investing in major works to renovate and remedy. however in the meantime i have the dubious honour of having water cascade down the lounge and bedroom walls and the lullaby of dripping water into a bowl to lull me to sleep. I know I am lucky not to have had my home taken in the floods. I truly feel lucky in many ways, but i can't help but get depressed and anxious about living in a flat that is not watertight.
My family are loving and caring and keep me safe. So safe in fact, that I daren't do things to upset them, they have nagged and nagged me to spend new year's eve with them after i orginally said no, finally using emotional blackmail to change my mind and they even offer to buy me meals and clothes, in part (i'm sure unconciously) to keep me in their control. It's suffocating and difficult to deal with. Mostly because it is well-intentioned.
I have no free time anymore. the knitting that keeps me sane lies abandoned because it takes half an hour away from school work and i feel compelled to be working on portfolio's evidence or assignments at all time, else i am guilt ridden.
I realised tonight that I have been dieting for 11 years (and one month) and I am the same weight now as when i started. How bloody depressing is that. that's nearly half my life and i'm right back at square one.
So i am basically feeling suffocated and exhausted. All the belongings I own I want to throw in the bin, whilst keeping them on the off chance that they might be useful at school one day sometime. I'm desperate to be like on telly where people seem to pick up all their belongings and leave with one suitcase and a backpack. that wouldn't even take my wool... I never sleep enough and now when i do go to bed i lay awake for hours listening to the drip and feeling the water running down my cheeks as the worry overspills to tears. Because when the lights are off and the worries begin, my frustration and upset knows no bounds.
How can I feel so blessed and yet so frustrated all at once? and more importantly how can I start to rectify a situation that on the whole is so blissful?
I love my life - honestly I do. I have the best boyfriend i could ever ask for who I truly believe loves me, as I love him and is the one. He doesn't flinch from words such as "moving in" "mortgage" "joint account, engagement, wedding, love" or "forever" He says he loves to look after me, and he seems to be understanding my lack of freetime during my training. He's given me the confidence to become comfortable with me. Quite simply - my beloved. Enough guff let's get back to it.
I am incredibly lucky to own my own car that I bought from new and have paid off (yes me, paid off resolutely on my own!).
I am retraining to do a job I think I love (stress about upcoming assessment in 2 days makes me worry but I think i will love it again on wed!).
I have lots of yarn, and a hobby I love and I own my own flat (well the bank do but you know what I mean).
Here in lies the rub:
My flat has had water running down the walls since i moved in 2 years ago. The council are my maintenance company and they are investing in major works to renovate and remedy. however in the meantime i have the dubious honour of having water cascade down the lounge and bedroom walls and the lullaby of dripping water into a bowl to lull me to sleep. I know I am lucky not to have had my home taken in the floods. I truly feel lucky in many ways, but i can't help but get depressed and anxious about living in a flat that is not watertight.
My family are loving and caring and keep me safe. So safe in fact, that I daren't do things to upset them, they have nagged and nagged me to spend new year's eve with them after i orginally said no, finally using emotional blackmail to change my mind and they even offer to buy me meals and clothes, in part (i'm sure unconciously) to keep me in their control. It's suffocating and difficult to deal with. Mostly because it is well-intentioned.
I have no free time anymore. the knitting that keeps me sane lies abandoned because it takes half an hour away from school work and i feel compelled to be working on portfolio's evidence or assignments at all time, else i am guilt ridden.
I realised tonight that I have been dieting for 11 years (and one month) and I am the same weight now as when i started. How bloody depressing is that. that's nearly half my life and i'm right back at square one.
So i am basically feeling suffocated and exhausted. All the belongings I own I want to throw in the bin, whilst keeping them on the off chance that they might be useful at school one day sometime. I'm desperate to be like on telly where people seem to pick up all their belongings and leave with one suitcase and a backpack. that wouldn't even take my wool... I never sleep enough and now when i do go to bed i lay awake for hours listening to the drip and feeling the water running down my cheeks as the worry overspills to tears. Because when the lights are off and the worries begin, my frustration and upset knows no bounds.
How can I feel so blessed and yet so frustrated all at once? and more importantly how can I start to rectify a situation that on the whole is so blissful?
tell me that I don't have the most gorgeous niece, and I'll tell you you are a liar! This is her a couple of weeks ago and it makes me smile on the toughest of days.
Look at this cherub, in a handknit cardigan no less (by my mum not me,my blanket is her comforter a night). It is just great being an aunty. Just... great.
and here's the blanket for the sake of my knitterly nature.
and here's the blanket for the sake of my knitterly nature.
I rather think of Rainbow Brite whenever I see pictures of it.
Because I'm totally useless at embedding things and creating badges for my blog... here's a link instead.
Grace in Small Things
Visit Grace in Small Things
Grace in Small Things
Visit Grace in Small Things
I don't know why but whilst reading Bells blog today (see link list) this entry came to me, and despite really needing to work on my essay I have been eulogising.
As you know in January 2008 (aged 25) I was told that they had discovered some problems with my ovaries and i had a 30% chance of my left ovary allowing me to conceive, and none of my right. This was pretty hard to accept when I'd been sent in for an ultrasound on my kidneys and only recently started properly dating my beloved boy. Kids weren't on my agenda, my to do list sure, but not my current agenda.
Since the "announcement" or even pronouncement of my health prospects i've really become more aware of me. That sounds mental, but until then I was always so concerned about meeting normality head on. Fitting in, worrying about how people perceived me etc. My constant fear was of being boring. To this day in my wobbly moments I pester Moblie with questions about whether I am dull - which he always counters with the fact that i'm so passionate about my hobbies, regardless of whether they are participatory, is one of the reasons he loves me. Well that and the abundance of baked goods...
Reading blogs has made me more aware that it doesn't mean that you are odd or an outsider if you are a knitter, rather than a "not"er (my term for the people who screw their faces up and think you are being frugal by knitting); a bookworm rather than a TV addict; a tea totaller rather than a drinker; and that a Friday night in with the blinds down, the heat up, a pot of tea, my vinyl playing and cuddles from the boy whilst you knit can be just as exciting as a night out on the tiles getting embarrassed about your social awkwardness.
So now you can see that I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin.
and that is the greatest thing of all.
Those of you who are keen in eye will notice something missing from my blog...
...
...
give up?
I've deleted my other blog account. I hadn't updated it since May and to be honest, it wasn't something so separate that I can't really include any progress on here anyway. Plus also having much less free time has meant that I want to keep things simple in as many areas as possible and the only complications to be exciting lace patterns in my knitting! So here in all it's glory is my list of 92 things I would like to do in my short sniff of time on earth:
92 things I would like to do in no particular order
So as you can see I have already started to tick things off I have been decluttering regularly and now really think about what I want and need in my life. I think this will be something ongoing forever! Since my pay went down, I've been really carefully budgeting and next year I am hoping to be clever enough with my money to keep some back to save too - shocking stuff. I also am a very lucky girl because on Saturday for our anniversary Moblie bought record player for us and we no have THREE whole albums in our vinyl collection! I'm so excited. On Monday I'd had a terrible day and I went to Moblie's abode, put on our song (which he has bought on vinyl - how cute!) and sng my heart out with my eyes closed, pen for a microphone and swaying gently like a drunk at karaoke. Hey it made me feel better!
Thank you my Moblie, for being so brilliant.
...
...
give up?
I've deleted my other blog account. I hadn't updated it since May and to be honest, it wasn't something so separate that I can't really include any progress on here anyway. Plus also having much less free time has meant that I want to keep things simple in as many areas as possible and the only complications to be exciting lace patterns in my knitting! So here in all it's glory is my list of 92 things I would like to do in my short sniff of time on earth:
92 things I would like to do in no particular order
- Have Ice skating lessons
- Go snorkelling
- Make sushi (not for Moblie)
- Ice skate in Central Park
- Get a PhD
- Climb Ben Nevis
- Be proposed to in an impossibly romantic way
Learn to budgetSeptember 2009- Have my photo taken by a state border sign of every state of America
- Go on a narrowboat holiday
- Walk the Great Wall of China and take a video diary
- Own only handknitted socks
- Go on a political demonstration
- Have a ride in a helicopter
- Write a novel
- See Snow Patrol live
- Own a tricycle and use it regularly
- Go on a cruise
- Have a ride in a hot air balloon
- Learn how to take good photos
- Go to Maderia in Portugal and drink Maderia
- Go to a theme park
- Attend the Opera
- Craft/Knit/Handmake all gifts
- Plant a beautiful garden
- Watch the snooker live at the Crucible
- Learn Italian
- go on a driving holiday around Britain with no planned stops and see where the wind blows me
- Practice the musical instruments it took me so long to learn
- Visit Iceland (country)
- Learn to crochet (from a pattern)
- Write/publish a cookery book of original recipes
- Move in with Moblie
- Learn Spanish
- Got to a Christmas Market in Germany
- Hit the middle target in Archery
- Visit the textile markets of Hong Kong
- Visit Helsinki
- Own, design and maintain an allotment
- Learn to rollerblade
- Practice Colour Therapy, if only on myself
- Go on a caravan holiday
- Have my picture taken by the Pyramids and Sphinx
- Make a website
- Buy a Kimono in Japan
- Visit the Nordic countries
- Go Skiing for the après-ski
- Knit at least one pattern from all the books/magazines I own
- Learn how to draw and paint
- Own a Smeg Fridge/freezer
- Get married in my dream ceremony
- Take weekend breaks
- Read every book that I own
- Have Spa Days
- Go to Classical Music Concerts
- Attend Chelsea Flower Show
- Eat ice-cream and pizza in Rome
- Make more Home movies
- Have every soft furnishing in the house made by me
- Lower my BMI to “Healthy”
- Gather an impressive apron selection
- Collect antique knitting needles/accessories
- Have my picture taken by Niagara Falls
- Get my colours done
- Ride an Elephant in India
- Try Horse riding
- Own a Raeburn/Aga
- Try Clay Pigeon Shooting
- Fly over Table Mountain
- Make a patchwork quilt
- Keep chickens for fresh eggs
- Cook every Nigella recipe from the books I own (that don’t include an ingredient I am/Moblie is allergic to)
- Do the Inca Trail and take a video diary
- Sing in a choir
- Have a herb garden
- Start dress-making
Declutter in every avenue (books, cds, handbags, videos, clothes, email/internet accounts)Nov 2009- Learn about car maintenance/emergency car maintenance
Start a vinyl collectionNov 2009- Have a fondue party
- Write a knitting pattern
- Try jet-skiing
- Pay off debts
- Cut up credit cards
- Go Quadbiking
- Learn Aromatherapy
- Have my own textile workroom that is light and airy with loads of work space and storage
- Drive from Coast to Coast of America
- Buy a Shari in India
- Try trampolining
- Go on a Yoga retreat
- Go paintballing
So as you can see I have already started to tick things off I have been decluttering regularly and now really think about what I want and need in my life. I think this will be something ongoing forever! Since my pay went down, I've been really carefully budgeting and next year I am hoping to be clever enough with my money to keep some back to save too - shocking stuff. I also am a very lucky girl because on Saturday for our anniversary Moblie bought record player for us and we no have THREE whole albums in our vinyl collection! I'm so excited. On Monday I'd had a terrible day and I went to Moblie's abode, put on our song (which he has bought on vinyl - how cute!) and sng my heart out with my eyes closed, pen for a microphone and swaying gently like a drunk at karaoke. Hey it made me feel better!
Thank you my Moblie, for being so brilliant.
- waking up in the arms of the boy you love, knowing your three day headache has been cuddled away.
I almost didn't want to blog today as I love my quotes so much; but seeing as I am just beaming today I thought I would share some happy thoughts (for a change! Much as I hate whining, I do find myself doing it an extraordinary amount) in honour of Moblie and my Second Anniversary - best two years of my life. Last night I was beavering away in my new position of workaholic, despite being in the middle of my second day of migraine, when Moblie surprised me with a visit, then lavished me with love and kisses and spoiled me by sorting dinner, cuddling me and staying to tuck me into bed. *grin*
Happiness is:
Happiness is:
- realising that you are dating the one
- getting a good grade for my teaching!
- seeing the excitement on the children's faces when I come back after a day of training - "MISS HEADSTRONG!!!" they screech at me. I love it!
- Finishing off a project you'd forgotten about until you decided to finally tidy this mess!
- sorting out the mess
- smelling the cake that you are baking as you enter the flat
- finishing the lesson plan that kept you awake all night
- realising that you can cope on a reduced income, with some small adjustments (and a lot of support from your closest people)
- having your haircut and doing the flick thing they do in the adverts
- buying a new yarn after you've ummed and ahhed over colour and squished every ball in the store.
- doing a good turn (like offering to sell some yarn to a lady in desperate need to finish a project)
- writing a worksheet for your children to work on, and it being appreciated by the TA and the children
- running around the playground like a small child playing runaway trains with three children hanging on to your hands squealing wiht delight - and realising you didn't stop to worry about your weight being a hinderence first
- a good cup of tea that makes you involuntarily go "aaaaaah" after the first sip
- listening to a new CD with your best mate/beloved and discovering a new artist (currently Kate Bush who is an incredible, undeniably amazing songwriter, but I think I'm about to develop a new thing for Erasure)
- a quite night eating a homemade meal with your mum
- my slow cooker
- fresh bed linen
- cuddles
- two years with my boy, knowing that despite having made so many incredible happy memories together there are a lifetime of happy memories to come too.
“The essence of voluntary simplicity is living in a way what is outwardly simple and inwardly rich.” ~Duane Elgin
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” ~Henry David Thoreau
“Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.” ~Henry David Thoreau
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
~Margaret Mead
Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without
There must be more to life than having everything.
- Maurice Sendak
Did you miss me? I missed you! Well ok not every minute, but I thought I owed it to you to give you an update!
So I'm still alive and I've made it (well 3 days to go) to half term! I can't believe it, it really has zipped by. I'm tired, worried, under prepared and over thinking but I've done a whole half term already. Blimey! Next half term is going to start being more difficult as I am taking much more responsibility for topics, development, assessing and whole class input. I've got to do 50% timetable, so it's about time really but I'm pretty much terrified. Sometimes (admittedly on a Monday morning first thing when it could be that I am just waking up) I realise that oh my god, I'm sat in front of 30 kids, 2 TAs, the class teacher and my head who is assessing me - what am I supposed to be doing???? Then I do something dumb like ask a group of 4 year olds to rhyme Billy, without thinking about the "W" consequences...
Weight wise I've maintained just about (bobbing up and down the same weight) but this week and last I've actually managed to lose 2 weeks in a row and get back to August's weight. I'm trying to be refocused and use this as a motivator, but I as a girl who has always used food as an emotional crutch, and who is getting up at 5.45 and pretty much staying on the go until I go to bed about 11.30pm -12pm I tend to use food as a energy boost, mood elevator and comforter. Tonight every cell in my body called for a takeaway, but my bank account and my weight watcher motivation poster (as created by me!) told me NO! I probably ate too much tonight, but it was all healthy stuff in my cupboards so at least that is a more positive decision.
In fact life is pretty tickety boo at the moment. I'm even having a bit of a mind makeover, I'm happy not buying new all the time, I've had a clear out of my stuff and took two boxes to the charity shop. I still find myself wanting to keep everything with the new excuse of - it might be useful at school, but I'm am being better at crap collecting. I really think about what I need before I buy it. That is probably a by-product of my grandly reduced salary, but then I am also pleased with this new attitude anyway.
The only real downside is that my Moblie time seems to be greatly reduced, but my neediness has increased. You're right they are linked, but telling myself that in a rare lucid moment does mean that I can remember it mid-wobble and dialling his number. I just so want to see him more, but know that it is really my fault for having a newly demanding and geographically difficult job. I suppose it has made me appreciate all that I have in such a wonderful boy, and it would be awful if I wasn't missing him at all.
So I'm still alive and I've made it (well 3 days to go) to half term! I can't believe it, it really has zipped by. I'm tired, worried, under prepared and over thinking but I've done a whole half term already. Blimey! Next half term is going to start being more difficult as I am taking much more responsibility for topics, development, assessing and whole class input. I've got to do 50% timetable, so it's about time really but I'm pretty much terrified. Sometimes (admittedly on a Monday morning first thing when it could be that I am just waking up) I realise that oh my god, I'm sat in front of 30 kids, 2 TAs, the class teacher and my head who is assessing me - what am I supposed to be doing???? Then I do something dumb like ask a group of 4 year olds to rhyme Billy, without thinking about the "W" consequences...
Weight wise I've maintained just about (bobbing up and down the same weight) but this week and last I've actually managed to lose 2 weeks in a row and get back to August's weight. I'm trying to be refocused and use this as a motivator, but I as a girl who has always used food as an emotional crutch, and who is getting up at 5.45 and pretty much staying on the go until I go to bed about 11.30pm -12pm I tend to use food as a energy boost, mood elevator and comforter. Tonight every cell in my body called for a takeaway, but my bank account and my weight watcher motivation poster (as created by me!) told me NO! I probably ate too much tonight, but it was all healthy stuff in my cupboards so at least that is a more positive decision.
In fact life is pretty tickety boo at the moment. I'm even having a bit of a mind makeover, I'm happy not buying new all the time, I've had a clear out of my stuff and took two boxes to the charity shop. I still find myself wanting to keep everything with the new excuse of - it might be useful at school, but I'm am being better at crap collecting. I really think about what I need before I buy it. That is probably a by-product of my grandly reduced salary, but then I am also pleased with this new attitude anyway.
The only real downside is that my Moblie time seems to be greatly reduced, but my neediness has increased. You're right they are linked, but telling myself that in a rare lucid moment does mean that I can remember it mid-wobble and dialling his number. I just so want to see him more, but know that it is really my fault for having a newly demanding and geographically difficult job. I suppose it has made me appreciate all that I have in such a wonderful boy, and it would be awful if I wasn't missing him at all.
Today had been such a brilliant day: I was motivated; relaxed; had a great day in class; my Subject based tutor is "loving" my ideas for next half term and i've been swimming for the 3 week in a row (only once a week, but this to me is now regularity) then I went online to reschedule a skills test for an earlier date. This is not possible. I've been allowed to cancel my original time and have been sent an email confirmation to that effect. Wanting to do this test a full 4 days earlier seems to encourage my computer to say "no". Only am I ordained to schedule appointments for 48 hours AFTER my original slot. As a consequence I am an unbearable grump and close to tears. Utterly, completely and undoubtedly inconsolable.
Needless to say I am now of a mind that one always has ying and yang and my positively bouyant mood from earlier has resulted in the crash of fortune and temprement. The over reliance and absolute dependence of the world upon internet use and connectivity has once again led me to an evening of frustration and tears and upset, with little room for actual work because 10 minute jobs seem to with dull inevitably to absorb any all the entire evenings' time originally dedicated to planning.
Needless to say I am now of a mind that one always has ying and yang and my positively bouyant mood from earlier has resulted in the crash of fortune and temprement. The over reliance and absolute dependence of the world upon internet use and connectivity has once again led me to an evening of frustration and tears and upset, with little room for actual work because 10 minute jobs seem to with dull inevitably to absorb any all the entire evenings' time originally dedicated to planning.
Moblie, this is not about you!!!!!
I'm having commitment to myself issues. It's an odd way to think about things, but that's kind of appropriate for my situation. I've semi given up on myself ever getting to goal weight even though I've managed to lose 2 stone and keep it off, I focus on the lack of movement for 2 months. I still have 4 stones to go and I don't think I will ever get to a goal weight. I'm also having problems believing in myself professionally. I just cannot get my head around the idea that this time next year I'll have completed my training, got a job and be responsible for a whole class including, medium and long term planning. What? It just doesn't seem possible.
I'm having commitment to myself issues. It's an odd way to think about things, but that's kind of appropriate for my situation. I've semi given up on myself ever getting to goal weight even though I've managed to lose 2 stone and keep it off, I focus on the lack of movement for 2 months. I still have 4 stones to go and I don't think I will ever get to a goal weight. I'm also having problems believing in myself professionally. I just cannot get my head around the idea that this time next year I'll have completed my training, got a job and be responsible for a whole class including, medium and long term planning. What? It just doesn't seem possible.
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